A Reminder for Family Elders

To all family elders, from all cultures, nations, religions, ethnicity and ancestry. Regardless of sex, age and socio - economic status, indulge me in this small article on the role of elders and our function.

Who are elders?
If you exert wisdom and influence on your family members, you are an elder. It could be through formalities like rank, status, reputation or seniority, should your ideas and voice find its reach beyond that of your lips, you are an elder. It could also be through informal interactions, being the person of significance among the young, perhaps entrusted with charisma or simply by skill of persuasion, you are an elder.

Again... who are you referring to?
Alas, I speak plainly. Mature grandfathers and grandmothers. Mature fathers and mothers. Mature young husbands and young wives. In short, anyone who is mature and in a family.

What is our singular purpose in the extended family?
Elders provide a vision for the other family members - a vision that the others believe in. Intangible but vital. "Where there is no vision, the people perish." - Proverbs 29:18
Elders leave behind a legacy to ensure the next generation does not squander their lives on worthless endeavours.


What is this vision?
For the prosperity, welfare and continual strength of the family members. In order for this to be fulfilled, the family members stay connected and huddle. By huddling, shared resources, family strengths, visions, ideals, principles, connections, skills, dreams and other unique traits are handed down through the generations.
An analogy is hamsters - they sleep together in tight groups. By doing so, they effectively reduce the surface area they have with the environment, retaining heat and energy.
By huddling, family members reduce contact with harsh conditions such as scams, bad influences, poor doctrines, lousy curricula, bad practices and dangerous attempts at inception, retaining family capacities, wealth, money, houses, cars and financial assets.

All this is lofty talk, Bryan...
Consider again. All rich families started with one leader who had the courage to dream beyond his or her own interests.
Alas, I speak plainly. Consider the following requirements and principles.

Discipline
Many local parents nowadays spend their family time together teaching their kids mathematics, english, mother - tongue, science, literature, history, geography and other core curricula subjects in the hope that the kids may obtain a high paying job.
Discipline these parents for your family's sake. It is foolish to do a teacher's job at home and hope that teachers in schools do a parent's job in imparting emotional skills, life skills, values and principles. When this happens, it is not the kid's fault - it is yours. An elder must discipline these parents - protect family time. Leave the teaching of content to teachers. Kids need values, dreams, hope, love, care and the concern of their parents.
Discipline the foolish young parent who spends too time in the career, chasing after showy things like big cars, credit cards, country club membership and condominiums. They will run your family into ruin. Discipline the tongue swaggering moron who scorns and scoffs in the home, creating discord, unrest and strife within the family members. Chase them out and disown them. For it is better to cut off a rotting leg than to have the entire body poisoned.

Capacities
Teach the young parents to focus on individual capacities. Do jobs that increases personal skills, wisdom, knowledge and generally empowerment. A high paying repetitive job does not increase the person and will only destroy the quality of life. In this mad world of materialism, young parents focus too much on money. They forget the intangibles that enabled the family to flourish in the first place. If they are doing that, then you, the elder have failed miserably. The family ruin will be your fault.
Allow each family member to have their own strengths and can be used to enrich everyone in the family. A family with a doctor will have members who knows more of medicine and tends to be more health conscious. A family with a lawyer will have members who are more aware of the law. A family with entrepreneurs will tend to know how to chase their ideas. Imagine if your family have a doctor, a lawyer, an entrepreneur, an engineer, a dentist, an artist, an athlete, a musician, a chef and all other kinds of capacities.
Keep the capacities in the home.

Stay connected
In order that so many may leverage on one another's strengths, then all members must be taught to compromise and live with differences. Diversity in the family is strength. Diversity means having differences and being able to accept one another. rather than childish, haughty and arrogant, elders must train parents to train their young to love one another, respecting diversity in order to achieve synergy.
Through emotional maturity and wisdom, a family can become a power force. Truly, a family can become more powerful that a medium - sized enterprise.

Where does all these begin?
The success of your family starts with one, you the family elder.

The value of a dollar

Living in a cosmopolitan city can cause tunnel vision. In Singapore, our citizens are "glocal". We are both local and global. As a hub in South East Asia, it seems that we have a very diverse population - Orients, Malays, Indians, Caucasians. Our culture is one of tolerance and to some extent, acceptance.

Despite this variety, most share the same religion - Mammon. Immigrants, foreign workers, permanent residents and citizens alike, share the same dreams in Singapore as Americans have in L.A. California. Our lives revolve around possessions, creature comforts and luxury.

Perhaps fronted by our leaders, we concern ourselves with personal finances, the lottery, high paying jobs and rich spouses.

OMG WTF. Pardon the expression. I guess I can warrant an outburst in a blog. We are superficial, lacking in interpersonal skills and social graces. There are Christians who are no better. Truly unremarkable.

Before we live our lives so furiously in the cash chase, it is prudent to pause in reflection and introspection. Consider our entire 75 years lifespan as a plan. Our entry as a baby and our exit as a corpse must be significantly different. We cannot enter as a childish fool and exit likewise.

Don't mistaken me. I am a money grabber myself. Finders keepers, losers weepers. The perspective is not to denounce the importance of material and comfort items. Instead, it is to achieve the higher levels in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Unmistakeably, many of our ancestors struggle to fulfill physiological and safety needs. They left behind rituals, traditions, best practices and random nuggets of wisdom to safeguard these needs. For their time, I respect their life's work and achievements.

Are all subsequent generations to follow the exact same forumlas for success? Do we proceed with our lives in the same manner?

How much does one need in order to survive? Mammon and possessions cannot fulfill self - actualisation needs. Luxury and status are superfluous at this level. Irrationals would consider building their entire life around extrinsic values.
Apparently, the SJ (Guardian) types value reputation and status. They tend to value material wealth. To the NT (Intellectuals) types, driving a fuel efficient vehicle makes sense. Why bother with a 1.2 tonne 4 seater luxury sedan? An automobile is nothing more than a tin can on wheels.

What is the value of a dollar? Is a dollar worth a dollar? Is a dollar worth a dollar after 10 years? Learning from the history of mammon and the purpose of money, a dollar has no intrinsic value. Money is extrinsic in nature. It is only worth an amount when it is exchanged. A house in a clean and safe residential district is worth more than a similar home near the industrial zones. A home in Shanghai is worth US$1 million. The same home is worth US$100,000 in Johor Bahru.

A dollar is not worth anything on its own. German Marks were literally worthless at a point in history - the kids used it to make kites. Roman coins became worthless overnight when the empire fell. Money is worthless on its own.

Why then do I hear undergraduates (supposedly the brighter minds amongst the cohort) make their goals based on monetary values? ESFJs, ESTJs, ISFJs and ISTJs are common folks, and they tend to pursue tangible goals. Why then do I hear people measure their successes in life based on their salaries and bank accounts? High salaries and wealth are two different matters. Truly unimpressive. Do we need a $6000 monthly salary to fulfill esteem and self - actualisation needs?

There are practical things in life that does not necessarily require the exchange of money. Personal abilities can allow one to live rather independently of services. I know many Muslim and Catholic families who take care of their own children. There are professionals (doctors, lawyers and engineers) who do house chores and live as examples without the need for domestic helpers. I know of professors and educators who travel by public transport despite having a driving license. The focus is on getting things done and keeping matters in order. Not so much on puffing up and displaying a front to show case.

In fact, what do you do with your salary? Do you know what you want? Do you think you can create a better life with limited resources?

Money is important. Especially so in Singapore. We do not have our own padi fields, nor have sufficient water resources. We buy. No dispute on this fact. Nonetheless, the common folk (especially the SJ types) need to understand money is not value and value is more than money. When we need plumbing, we pay for services. When we are hungry, we buy food.

But to be a human, we cannot stagnant at low levels on the needs hierarchy. Find meaning in self - actualisation rather than dwell on mammon and the relentless pursuit of it. Having millions does not improve the quality of life. Having plenty is comfortable - we need to focus on family, personal ability and family capacities. We can attempt to place a value on these intrinsics but there is no true way of determining them.

In a mad world bent on self destruction, we are continuously tempted to flaunt and obtain things that does not matter. In this decadent society, we are made to believe in money that has no value of its own. In this insane population, we are led to think that we need to herd and follow the ways of the carnal.

Before we live our short lives in a quick flash only to be consumed in regret and self pity at our death beds, consider a pause every now and then to consider the intrinsics. "Not everything that can be counted counts. Not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein.

The Local Education and Economy

An increasingly popular view among local intellectuals. It is still worth the mention here. While we Singaporeans pride ourselves on our 'educational programme' despite our short history, I must first qualify our pride.

There is a difference between literacy and education. There is a difference between being intelligent and being wise. Our educators know this. Many changes are being effected at all levels to recognise the other facets in educating youth and in recognising the other types of intelligences.

Many at my age would agree that paper and pen assessments, talk and chalk practices and direct teaching were about the entire repertoire of teaching for a long time. In fact, these traditional pedagogical approaches intensified during the years of school ranking. As such, our generation focused on elitism. The select few succeeded in this system. Those of us who are stronger in our logical/mathematical, visual/spatial and verbal/linguistics made it to 'better' schools. Those more inclined towards kinesthetics, musical, naturalistic, interpersonal and other forms of intelligences were branded as 'weaker' students. They belonged to the EM3 band. We see many of these elites in our civil service today.

Now, we are suffering for this lack of vision. We are told that our nation needs foreign talent. Talent that includes dance, arts, music and other skills that require the exact intelligences that our past system purged.

Nonetheless, rather than point fingers and regret our choice in leadership, I hope we choose to see that our new leadership has chosen to correct the problem. We see a rise in other forms of education. There is a sports school, a music school and alternative tertiary schools. While our primary and secondary programmes are still pegged to Cambridge, our 'O' and 'N' level graduates have a wider variety of choices.

All these are good news.

Now the bad news.

Even with these new choices, new graduates will find prospects and career paths in Singapore limiting. The problem is not the schools or the curriculum. The problem is our culture. We are a third world people living with first world infrastructure. Our people are pragmatic, insensitive and often uncultured. We are a materialistic, single - minded and narrow - minded nation of bigots. As such, there is little appreciation for the arts, for services, and the finer things in life. Artists and performers are still widely considered foolish career paths. Adam Khoo may have once succeeded in opening a window for intrapersonal development. I wonder why he now has to branch into other forms of businesses like seminars and technical stock market analysis.

The problem is the market. Our best people are still considering traditional roles in engineering, medicine, law and banking. Who is left for the other jobs?

Let's simply acknowledge that our economy and our education are directly correlated.

Take a case in point. We see it a few times a year. Parents-Teachers-Interactions. What do the teachers and parents talk about? Grades. Behaviour. Education is more than mere grades and obedience. In fact, education is growing cognitively, increasing in awareness, building capacity in heuristics and schema. Being prepared for life is about finding a way for oneself, rather than blind conformity.
If we allow this to remain status quo. We are doomed.

Take another case in point. What do the undergraduates talk about? Degrees. Paper qualification. Are our graduates able to perform? If they truely are, companies need not incorporate such extensive on-job-trainings and in-house-trainings. Our undergraduates concern themselves with material gain more than increasing ability.

With such overly - simplistic perspectives and blatant apathy, we cannot progress. Majulah, Singapura? Onward, Singapore?

No. National Education has taken too much of a bureaucratic bent. It is operated now as an add - on. Students see it as propaganda. Teachers see it as propaganda. Already, our educational ministry have taken the first few steps to correct the brutish approach on increasing capacity. The next step is difficult - changing the perspective of the population itself. A population that is the product of the old system: socially engineered to replicate the same errors done onto us.

The GDP per capita of Singapore is US$50,000 (2009). That of Australia is only US$38,000. Despite this, Australia ranks much higher on the Human Development Index than us. What remains to improve life is our social practices and culture.

Can this people be convinced to think differently? Are we sensitive enough to concern ourselves with culture rather than material gain? Are we cultured enough to appreciate the finer things in life? Are we humble enough to admit our flaws?

Cognitive functions: Dichotomies and Disagreement

Before discussing any other matters, it is imperative to bring awareness to the basics of our human mental functions. Although the theory has been around for more than 90 years, the majority of people still believe that we are mere physical organisms. While I learnt my lesson not to discuss my allegiance to Darwinism openly, it is clear that many have half knowledge on the matter.

Nonetheless, the assumption is that humans are made of three parts - Body, Soul and Spirit. We are more than a walking blob of hydrocarbons. We have our thoughts and emotions. (Although I agree to a large extent that many fellow countrymen in the heartlands are functioning a little more than reflex).

Based on Carl Yung's work, we have four cognitive functions. Of these four, we have one preference, the rest are auxillary. Unfortunate for my part of the world, these functions are inaptly termed as SENSING, INTUITION, THINKING and FEELING. Half of the MBTI practitioners I know have no idea how to explain these functions in order to profile accurately.

It is important to be aware of these functions. In our daily dealings and interactions, it is inevitable that we encounter conflict. Conflict with others and with ourselves alike. In fact, many a times, I find that I wondered who I really am. To deal with this conflict, it helps that we understand these four cognitive functions in order that we are first at peace with ourselves and with conflict.

Therefore, I wish that readers, familiars or strangers alike, take this post as a trigger if you so happen to chance upon it and explore the inner world before creating chaos and conflict in the outer world.

Of these four functions, two concerns how we absorb information about our world, two concerns how we make decisions and determines our actions. Actions change our outcomes and affects our spouses, parents, children and everyone around us. Actions form habits and leaves legacies. Perspectives determine our bent, our inclinations and our direction. Therefore, these functions are vital to our lives. Understand and use them wisely. They can make us or break us.

In absorbing information, the dichotomy consists of SENSING and INTUITION. When we recieve information about our environment and our relationships with others, we can be sensing or intuitive.
When we are sensing, we retrospect and focus on details. We bring to remembrance the past, the 'if only' and the minute details. We allow ourselves to formulate decisions based on details and singularities. Those of us who prefer using sensing as an information gatherer like to read the news, listen to advice from others, especially the elders. They concern themselves with their five senses. We like little nuggets of facts. We tend to say:"The facts of life are these and that is all that matters to me."

When we are intuitive, we are forth - seeking and focus on universal patterns and truths. We ignore the present facts and focus on possibilities. We tend to have our heads in the clouds, dreaming and visioning. We know that the world is imperfect but choose to ignore them and think of how the world can be different. Those who prefer intuition like theories and ignore the news. We see the big picture of things; collecting a lot of information in the hope that there is a consistent pattern or truth. We tend to say:"I have already made up my mind. Don't confuse me with the facts."

The dichotomy implies that those who prefer SENSING will disagree with those who prefer INTUITION. Therefore, conflict arises at the elementary level - perspectives. In fact, since everyone has both SENSING and INTUITION, in the times when a SENSING person uses his INTUITION, he can disagree with himself and become indecisive. Internal conflict.

Perhaps more familiar amongst leaders, managers and administrators is the decision - making dichotomy. They are FEELING and THINKING. Again, these are unfortunate terms. FEELING implies an inclination towards people - people relationships and values. It does not naturally mean that a FEELING person is incapable of thinking.

At the same time, THINKING implies an inclination towards object - forces relationships and tasks orientation. It does not mean that a THINKING person is incapable of emotions. In fact, a THINKING type may fall prey to his own emotions and become reactive rather than respond.

Similarly, this dichotomy implies that those who prefer FEELING will disagree with those who prefer THINKING. Even with similar perspectives, differences bring about different decisions and therefore different actions. This leads to different consequences and therefore conflict.

There are a lot that we may derive from this. Here, it suffices at this point to simply acknowledge that while everyone has the same four cognitive functions, different people has different preferences. This leads to different perspectives. For example, one may say:"Why fix something that is not broken." Another may say:"There is always room for improvement." The differences also creates different decisions. One may say:"We must therefore improve staff training." Another will disagree:"We must thus simplify the industrial processes."

The differences, the conflict and the disagreement should not be taken at a personal level. Disliking and hating one another due to disagreements are childish and brutish reactions. I may arrive at a decision because I prefer THINKING at the moment. But what assures me that I will never favour my FEELING functions? Will I then hate myself?

Having explored this, perhaps we can better work with one another in the workplace. Perhaps we can learn to see things from another's perspective in the home. Our identities must not stem from our behaviour and preferences. Our personal preferences change with time. Our identities should not. Our behaviour change with our main cognitive function. Our spirits should not.

In light of this, we should strive to explore ourselves. In all our encounters, dealings and interactions, we should explore using both SENSING and INTUITION for different perspectives. In making decisions, we should explore using both THINKING and FEELING. Then we should also learn of the different outcomes and reflect upon our own metacognition.

Perhaps then, we can stop being mere brutes. Perhaps then, we can start being humans.